right now I really don't know what I should do..HELP!
I really need someone's opinion!

LUKE
I've kind of liked Luke for like a year now. He's the kind of kid who is really fun to be around & everything he says makes me laugh! When it's not just us two, he's "abusive". I don't wanna use that word, but it's the only one I can think of. he'll like playfully punch you. not hard or anything. & he always puts me in a head-lock but a couple tmes ago that he did that, he pulled my neck out of place, so everytime he's done it since, he's alot more careful! which is good. But when it IS just me & him, he's sweet & nice & really acts like he likes me. I don't know if it's just that he doesn't want to show too much of his feelings around other people, or if he's just like that! I really can't figure it out! & it bugs me! But when we ARE around other people & he's being like he always is, he pays special attention to abusing me! (: but I don't know if that's like his way of showing (or trying to hide) that he likes me...

TALON
So I havn't known Talon for too long, just like a week or so, but I really like him! & I think he likes me too! Whenever we hangout, he's always paying special attention to me & makes me feel good! yanno!? & He acts the same when it's just me & him as he does when we're with other people. which is great! But I really don't know too much about him. I don't know if he's just a player, or if he really does like me.& I don't know if I really like him for real or if it's just a crush. But yeah, When it comes down to it, I JUST met him like a week ago. but we hungout like 5days in a row in the past week! & the thing is, I always want to be with him. It's weird. Cause I've never had that before. I've never once liked someone & wanted to spend everyday with them. & we text everyday(until he left for his mom's) & he always wants me to come to the skate park or to hangout & gets sad when I say I can't. & he wants me to help him quit doing shit (not gonna get into that right now..) & I really do want to help him!

SO WHAT SHOULD I DO?
should I go for the guy i've known for a long time, liked for almost a year, &  makes me feel good & happy & whatnot & acts like he likes me more when it's just me & him but not really too much around other people? or the guy I just met, always want to be with(& he always wants to be with me), & makes me feel good & happy & whatnot & likes me when it's just me & him AND around other people, BUT I don't feel like I really know him well enough?

GOD I HATE THIS!!!
but i like how I spill all my feelings out on the internet. & i don't do this with my friends.
I think I just need advise from someone I DON'T know. & anyways, my friends arn't too good with advise. that's usually my job. But I can't give myself my own advise. which sucks.

SO PLEASE!! SOMEONE HELP ME!!
WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO?

Here's some quotes & stuff that remind me of my "situation!"

they both act like that.

I feel very week right now. I don't feel strong at all.

just made me feel better

how I feel right now.

I want those dreams to be reality, not dreams!

I don't want to get hurt, or find out that I picked the wrong one.

kinda what I'm doin..

I want to always be able to be myself

& have fun

kind of how i feel, just not so strong.

I hope he know's what happens in the end.

maybe I should do that..

I havn't gotton to that point yet, but I think I might hit it soon if I don't figure something out!

I sure hope so!

what I want

except i would probibly be the one making him watch football!

PLEASE HELP ME!!!

I'M HANGING OUT WITH TALON TODAY!!

yeah but here's the story about my parents:
okay, So yesterday, I was babysitting this girl who's going into 6th grade, which means she's going into a new school too. So her parents were going to this parent orientation for the school & apparently the principal said something about the skate park not being a good place for your kids to hang out because "bad shit happens there."
Yeah, so my parents I guess found out about that & decided to tell me!
Yeah & I flipped out on them saying that everyone says that, but nothing happens there!
(stuff does happen there, not too bad of stuff hough, but a cop comes by every 15 min. so no one's stupid enough to do anything!)
Anyways!, so I went school supplies shopping with Larae & Alex, & when I got home I found a note my mom left me on my dresser:(& It's really long, & I'm typing it all out for you cause I'm nice like that)

It said:

Dear Sarah,
I know you must be thinking, "what's the deal with my parents?" right now & I want to assure you that the only reason we are on your case is because we care about you & love you.

It's really hard for parents to see their kid grow up and when kids get to an age when they can take care of theirselves, it's really scary for a parent to let go and let the kids have their freedom. We worry!

However, as nice of a place Iowa or our town is, there are still bad things that can happen. We know you are smart and will make good decisions, but it's everyone else you come in contact with in  your lift that we don't know about. Again, it's really scary for a parent to not be able to be there by your side to protect you every moment of your life.

If anything bad ever happened to you and I hadn't done everything I could to prevent it, I canaled never live with that. By Mom & Dad expressing our concern about where you spend your time or with who, we are only trying to make sure we know everything we can aout your life, so we'll be well-prepared in the event something bad would ever happen.-God forbid.

It must be frustrating for you to have us bugging you all of the time when we feel like you are not telling us everything, for whatever reason, we do get a little, suspicious and start to question you more. I am sorry if that makes it seam like we don't trust you. We do trust you and we are so very very proud of you and what a wonderful person you have become as you've grown up. We don't want anything or anyone to ruin that.

People make life-changing decisions and the ones you make when you are a teenager have suck a huge impact on the person you become asan adult. You may not believe that but it is so totally true.I would have had such a different (not as good) of a life if I had made choices differently than I did and when I think about how close I was to making the wrong choice many times, it's very scary to think about what would have happened.

So I am asking you to trust us as much as you want us to trust you. Believe what we are telling you because as crazy as it may sound, we've made the mistakes already and we don't want you to do the same.

The most important thing we can do is to be honest. I would rather know about who you are with & where you are going, even if I don't like it, then to have you feel like you can't tell us because you are worried about what you think we'll say or do. We need to have an understanding of that or we'll just end up fighting all the time.

So lets talk about it, talk about what you are afraid we'll do, and we will tell you what we are afraid will happen and lets make sure we understand eachother. Then you won't be afraid to tell us stuff and we will trust you. Does that make any sense at all?

Ok so anyway, Know how much we love you and care about you. Don't misunderstand our concerns. Ok? Please keep us involved in your life so we at least feel better about letting go a little and giving you the freedom you want.

Love,
Mom.

yeah, so we havn't had our talk yet, but we will.
But I'm glad she wrote me this, cause I've been worried about this alot lately.
& I don't know if I'll tell them the WHOLE TRUTH about things, but I'll deffinantly tell them the truth about little things.

Like before, I didn't know if they wanted me to hangout with older guys, or ride in cars with them, so I'd just say it was just me & my friends that are girls. & every day, it'd be the same. So it did sound a little suspicious!

But now I'll tell them when I hangout with people & who they are.
But I'm deffinantly not telling them what we do with them sometimes.
I don't know how well they would take:

"Last night, we stayed at this 20 year old, Jesse's apartment, & we got completely wasted & skinny dipped in the apparment's pool at 3:00 in the morning!"

Yeah. Deffinantly not telling them the whole story. But I do feel a lot better now!

Getting ready to go hangout with TALON!!! I'm excited!
OH & HAPPY 3 MONTH ANNIVERSURY LARAE & ANTONIO!!(:
LATER. <3 SARAH

So I suck at life.
I am terribe at knowing what I want in a guy & I have way to many guy problems.
Here's the latest story..

So sunday night, my friend Larae's cousins are staying with them, & I know all of them & I'm friends with all of them, & Luke, he's a year younger than I am. I've kinda been going on & off about if I like him or not for like a year now. & whenever we hangout just me & him, he acts like he likes me too. So I was at Larae's & him & his friend Talon were on the couch & they decided to drink my orangejuice (4 waterbottles full of it to be exact) & I was sitting on top of Talon & he was on top of Luke. So yeah, I thought I liked Talon after that day, & I was pretty sure he liked me too. But then I spent the night that night, cause I thought I liked Luke again. Yeah so he deffinantly liked me & wanted to like do shit & whatnot, but I didn't let him. & now I really don't know why! & I think I should have cause I like Luke!|
GOD, I'M SUCH AN IDIOT!

Anyways but today I'm hanging out with Alex & Edgar, & he likes me!, & He's not afraid to show it. But I don't really like him like that. Like, at all! So this is gonna be a fun day!
Probibly another story about how I suck at life so badly, cause I'm probibly gonna get screwed over, again. It always happens. ugh.

______________________________________________________________________________________

the moment fades and the countdown
starts, and time slips through my hands.
counting down for fun, for parties and
birthdays, but all i really want is a moment
that might last forever.